


Late for Class

by DellaAvril



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Canon, Crack, Gen, Humor, K-pop References, Kaneki accidentally becomes a K-POP YouTube star, YouTube, classic literature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 23:49:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7661959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DellaAvril/pseuds/DellaAvril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tsukiyama and Banjou sign Kaneki up for an English Lit class at Kamii to help him de-stress, and Kaneki inadvertently becomes a successful K-Pop YouTuber.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Late for Class

**Author's Note:**

> All credit for Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul:re goes to the amazing Ishida Sui. I love you, Ishida. Ugh.

_Late for Class_

As their stay in Taukiyama's apartment lengthened, Tsukiyama and Banjou both became aware of their dear friend's... eroding mental state. Both worried for different reasons, the two consulted Hinami, who mentioned that her big brother was once a literature major who loved to read. It was Tsukiyama, then, who hatched a brilliant plan to help Kaneki… ahem, feel better.

It was early one morning when Tsukiyama and Banjou decided to lay it on him. Neither was surprised with Kaneki’s first response.

“No.” 

“But Boss, everyone needs a break!” Banjou tried to protest. He worried Kaneki was _thisclose_ to snapping. “And, uh, Hinami-chan said you loved books!” 

That made Kaneki pause.

But wait! No, no, no! The 20th might have had Kamii and safe literature classes, but it also had Doves who literally had his face on a "to-kill" list! Kaneki groaned and held his head in his hands.

Think, Kaneki, think! He couldn't afford to have such a luxury. Not with Aogiri and Kanou still free. He had to kill them. He had to get stronger. He had to eat. Only the strong survive. And he was the strong.

He was the strong.  
He was the strong.  
He was the strong.  
He was tHe **fUCKinG STrO-**

“Ah, _mon petit gâteau au fromage_! The classwas something like ‘Major Works of English Literature’…!'" Tsukiyama hurriedly tried to sweeten the deal when he noticed _that_ look on Kaneki's face. He continued when Kaneki's breathing had returned to a normal sound and stopped making Jiro whimper. 

"Authors you once mentioned - Katka, Tazaksuki Ren - were on their reading list...!" Tsukiyama yelled when Kaneki suddenly LEAPT forward and tried thrust open the window to get **OUTOUTOUT-**  

And to Tsukiyama's surprise, Kaneki paused for a moment before pulling the window open and jumping into the early morning. Tsukiyama was even more surprised the next morning when he noticed that the schedule he'd printed from the Kamii student website and "forgotten" on the kitchen table was gone. 

No one commented when Kaneki walked into the apartment in new, clean clothes that lacked an open back for kagune. And no one said anything about the small stack of paperbacks set near the door, either.

And that was how Kaneki found himself on the first morning train to the 20th Ward with his Franz Kafka and Takatsuki Sen novels in hand, even though Takatsuki Sen was not a major English author.

The commute wasn’t that bad. It was hard to be in that compact space filled with delicious smelling people, but as long as he was full it was usually tolerable. His class was an early 8:30 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so the train wasn't too crowded as long as he got on by 7:45. 

The hardest part of the commute from the 6th to the 20th was, surprisingly, his hair color. He usually caught someone staring every time he turned around, and was almost always followed by a guard when he got off at the 20th Ward's station. Not because they thought he was a ghoul (he got through the scanners just fine,) but because they assumed he was probably a yakuza or something.

All because of his freaking white hair. 

He tried to play it down by wearing black or grey clothes, but he learned quickly on his first day that didn't help in keeping from drawing attention to himself. He'd just started walking toward Kamii on one of the main roads when a random girl flagged him down from inside a clothing store.

"Are you a fashion blogger?" She gushed, shamelessly reaching up to finger a strand of his obnoxiously white hair. "Your outfit is so chic! Your white hair with the black skinny jeans, shirt, jacket, shoes... It's totally post-modern neo-punk! Can I get a picture?”

Kaneki turned on his heel and walked away. But even his class was no better.

"Woah," the boy who was in the seat next to him said as soon as Kaneki sat down. "Are you trying to become a K-Pop Idol or something? Man." 

Kaneki didn't even blink. “No."

"O-oh." The kid averted his eyes to his crappy plastic planner. "Right. Ok. Cool. Sorry.”

Kaneki realized then, with a lurch in the bottom of his stomach, that he'd made the wrong choice. This was a stupid idea. He had people to protect. He should've been training. He had to get better. He should've been eateateating, becoming the **STRON- ******

"Good morning, everyone!" A spunky professor strolled into class carrying a thick binder filled to the brim effectively pulled Kaneki out of his thoughts.

"Roll call! Akemi, Noori!”

“Here!"

"Suzumi, Kyo!”

“Here."

The classroom was smaller than Kaneki had anticipated, but it made sense seeing as how the class was one of the upper level literature courses. It also made his emergency escape plan easier, in case Aogiri or the CCG tried to get him here. Smaller body count and all that. 

He fleetingly wondered how Tsukiyama had managed to get him in to what was probably a "Literature-majors only" class.

"Tsukiyama, Shuu!”

Kaneki's head shot up. No, No, No, that bastard hadn’t...

"Tsukiyama Shuu?" The professor was looking right at him.

With a start, Kaneki remembered that he was starting the class a week late. He was obviously the new student - the new student with fucking white hair. And seeing as though Tsukiyama had yet to burst through the door yelling something stupid in French…

"Oh," Kaneki grumbled. “Here."

He was going to kill that dumbass.

The professor gave him a funny look before it morphed into something of a smirk. "So glad you could join us, Tsukiyama-kun. I'm so glad you could take time off from your K-POP tour.”

The class erupted in giggles. 

Kaneki's eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not in a K-POP group." He said flatly. A group of dangerous ghouls sworn to him, yes, but not a K-POP group.

"Wait, don't you make YouTube videos?" A girl who sat across the large, wooden table squinted at him. 

No. No, he did not.

"I recognize your hair.”

Why did it always have to do with his hair?

"I knew it!" Said the kid who sat next to Kaneki. 

"I don't - what?" Kaneki groaned. What the hell was going on?

"Oh yeah, you sing K-POP covers and choreograph dances to them!" The girl continued.

"Wow, that's impressive." The boy assented. 

Kaneki honestly didn't know what to say. Neither did Hinami when he told her what happened later that same day.

“They think you’re in a band, Nee-san?” She asked curiously. A secret part of her hoped they were right - Kaneki-oniisan would make a great singer! Or, rather, he would look like a really good singer.

“No, not quite. I guess they think I sing other people’s songs on YouTube and dance to them.” Kaneki explained. Hinami nodded though she wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about. She’d never even heard of YouTube before.

“Did someone say _dance_!?” Tsukiyama burst in to Hinami’s bedroom as though he’d been listening in to their conversation through the door the entire time.

“No.” “Yes!” Kaneki and Hinami answered at the same time.

“Y’know Boss, this could be a good way to make a good alibi.” Banjo weighed in from behind Tsukiyama. Kaneki glared. Did they always do this when he went to help Hinami with her reading?

“How would that work, Banjou-san?” Hinami asked.

“Well,” Banjou blinked, not having expected anyone to actually listen to his idea, “no one would think someone on YouTube making dance videos would be a ghoul. Boss’ hair is so…” He paused, noticing the look Kaneki was sending him.

“…noticeable, so if other people recognize him as a singer they’re less likely to recognize him as the Eyepatch ghoul.”

“So you think putting videos of myself dancing on YouTube would make a believable front when in public?” Kaneki asked, a more than a little disbelief in his voice.

“Uh… yes?”

“ _Dolce_! Then it’s settled!” Tsukiyama cheered. 

__________________________________________________________

They started Franz Kafka’s _Metamorphosis_ three weeks into the class. Kaneki literally laughed out loud when it was announced, and got more than a few strange looks. But by this point they knew Shuu was an eccentric, so it was quickly disregarded.  
“So, what did everyone think?” The professor have a bit of an accent, but it wasn’t unpleasant. 

“Well..” The boy next to Kaneki started right up, just like he always did. “It was dark.”

The professor nodded with a smile. 

“I kept on thinking, what about Gregor? What about him? He dies and they literally keep on going on without him - everything’s even better for them!” The Boy continued. “I just thought it was a really sucky story, y’know?”

The professor nodded. “Indeed. I believe waking up as an insect, unable to communicate with your family, and then for them to get tired of having you around, is an undeniably ‘sucky’ situation.” She was one of those professors who sounded like they were both agreeing with and mocking you at the same time.

“Anyone else?”

Kaneki couldn’t help himself. “It shows the limits of human sympathy. How when it comes down to it, we’re all just fucking selfish and will hurt others to get what we want. That the essence of humanity is evil.” His voice had become scratchy and high pitched. The boy in the seat next to him gave Kaneki a weary look.

“The world is _**wrong.**_ ” Kaneki was suddenly close to tears and shaking, had his fists balled and his forehead against the table. Everyone else in the room was extremely uncomfortable.

The professor coughed. “Yes, well,”

" **This world is survival of the fittest.** ” Kaneki continued, slowly looking up.

“Our next novel-“

“The strong eat. Who is strong? I am. **ME**.” Kaneki was looking up and around at his classmates with a twitch in his neck.

The professor cringed when he cracked one of his fingers and started counting backwards and wondered just how she’d ended up with possibly the creepiest student ever.  
“Our next novel is Hemingway’s ‘The Old Man and the Sea!’ Everyone have a great weekend!” The professor quickly ended the class, grabbed her binder, and left in under a minute flat.

Everyone else trickled out at a more reasonable pace, apparently unconcerned with their possibly psychotic classmate.

“So Shuu-kun,” started the girl who sat across from Kaneki. “What’s your YouTube name?” She batted her eyes. Several other students stopped when she asked that - they’d spent hours looking for him on YouTube as well. You’d think it’d be easy to find a guy with dyed white hair dancing to K-POP, but apparently not.

Kaneki, feeling somewhat better now that they weren’t talking about the essence of humanity, took a deep breath. Saying that damned username hurt his very soul but, thankfully, he was a masochist.

_________________________________________________

Several weeks later, Investigator Amon and Investigator Takizawa were called in to Kamii University to investigate the disappearance of one of the university’s students - a one Kaneki Ken. Just as Amon and Takizawa walked onto the main yard during a class switch time, something caught Amon’s eye.

"Wait- stop! That's the Eyepatch ghoul! I recognize his hair!" Amon yelled as he watched the white hair disappear back into the crowd. He was getting ready to unlatch his briefcase right until a girl who happened to be walking by stopped right in front of him. 

"What? A ghoul?" The girl squinted. "No, that's not the Eyepatch ghoul! That's Shuu~STAR. He's trying to get into K-POP.”

It was just ridiculous enough to make Amon stop for a moment. He opened his mouth and closed it. 

"K-Pop?" Well, it would explain the hair. 

"Yeah! He's in my lit class." The girl's head bobbed up and down as she pulled something up on her phone. "Here, check this out!”

It was a video of someone who had a startling resemblance to the Eyepatch ghoul doing a ridiculously sexy dance in a bunch of differently colored suits. It was obvious, though, that no ghoul could have moves that smooth. Amon suddenly felt a little insecure about his own attractiveness. 

"Wow." Amon said.

"Yeah, I know! And I get to stare at him every day!" The girl cheered. "Although I do think he mentioned that some of his styles were based off of some ghouls.' Hey, Eyepatch could've been one he copied!”

"W-what?" Amon balked. Had he really heard what he thought he just heard? Ghouls were suddenly starting fashion trends?

The girl tapped her lip. "Hmm yeah, now that I think about it, I do think he mentioned something like that! But really, can you blame him? Judging from the pictures on the news Eyepatch does have killer style.”

"You're kidding..." Amon had no idea what to say. He was so flustered that he completely missed the loud " _Tres bien_!" screamed from the bushes behind him.

"You think Eyepatch, an SS-Ranked ghoul who literally eats people, is stylish?”

"And cute." The girl added.

"And cute?" Amon repeated.  
   
"Amon-senpai...?" Seidou, who was excited to be on his first mission out I the field, asked uncertainly. 

"Well, you can't hide the fact on the news that he's super cute!" The girl giggled. "I have to get to class now - it was nice talking to you!" She waved and disappeared back into the crowd of students. Amon stared after her.

"So," Takizawa asked nervously, "where do we go from here, Amon-senpai?" 

"I don't know, Takizawa." Amon sighed mystically. "I just don't know."  
Amon is so cool, Takizawa thought.

___________________________________________________

  
After Amon relayed that conversation in one of his meetings, the CCG made sure only the ugliest and scariest ghouls made it on TV. Eyepatch and all other attractive white-haired ghouls were specifically banned.

There was a surprising amount of backlash from niche fashion communities, who stated that ghouls made significant "inspiration contributions" to high/low, black/white and shabby chic style trends. The CCG was too pissed off and flabbergasted to make a comment, and eventually the situation died down. But that wasn't before Vogue Japan made an Eyepatch ghoul themed cover spread, and several high-end designers made "ghoul inspired" resort wear lines. 

Suddenly people were dying their hair weird colors and wearing black trench coats, old hoodies, leather pants, fur collars, and even eyepatches among the fashion bloggers. This actually made it harder for investigators to hunt down real ghouls, and in some cases even caused Investigators to lose a ghoul in a large crowd when in the middle of a chase. 

All Amon could do, when pressed by his superiors about the issue, was blame Shuu~STAR. At first the CCG questioned if Shuu~STAR was actually the Eyepatch ghoul, but then decided that no ghoul could have moves that smooth. Or work a YouTube channel.

(There was some controversy, however, when Shuu~STAR videos were found bookmarked and favorited on Special Class Investigator Arima's computer.)

Shuu~STAR, on the other hand, became a well known YouTuber whose music videos went viral the night they were posted. Kaneki was forced to make three more videos to cope with the demand (he was afraid just making one video and disappearing was too suspicious ) before making a "Goodbye!" video to tell his fans that he'd decided to move to LA to pursue his dreams. He was not sad to quit his wannabe K-POP Idol persona. 

Kaneki was actually quite sad to quit the English class mid-semester. But then he found out they'd found the coordinates for Kanou's lab, and he was totally ok with it. 

**The End.**

**Author's Note:**

> In case you were wondering, this entire ~~shitshow~~ was based on this youtube video of Sasaki dancing. ;))
> 
>  
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNEsM3cQbng


End file.
